I’m Overthinking it

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.”-Stephen King

Life as an introvert is hard.  I’m not just introverted, I’m a overthinker, and very insecure. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be around people, but it takes a lot to open up.  I have a few friends that just speak their minds and have zero problem in doing so.  I envy them and at the same time I can be horrified.  People can say things to them and it just rolls off their backs.  With me, I over think it and let the words affect me.

With me being introverted, insecure, and I over think it all, it affects my relationships.  It’s hard for me to reach out to friends just for a girls night or to host a nail party.  When the hubs and I have a disagreement, I don’t want to talk- I don’t want to say how I feel, because I don’t want to upset him.  Sometimes I fear he’ll judge me or be disappointed in me (did I mention, I’m a recovering people pleaser?) Oh my goodness, I even allow it to affect my relationship with God.  I can be really disciplined and talk to Him daily and then I just stop talking for a period of time.  Talking doesn’t come easy for me ( I even struggled talking when playing with my dolls as a kid).

I have allowed the words of those around me to affect me.  Words that may have been spoken to motivate me, tore me apart. These words have played on repeat in my head for many years.  And it’s not just words, it might be actions (or a lack of action in some cases). I think this plays into being insecure,  and not having my feet firmly planted in the Lord.

An example that comes to mind is a teacher I had, she once threw a blackboard eraser at me and call me a retard. **Side note, retard is a word we were taught not to say.  It was/is considered a curse word in my home.**  I have tried to forget this moment since 8th grade and I’ve had to forgive her.  Math didn’t come easy to me, I dreaded this class every day!  Board races and being introverted are never a good mix. Just thinking about board races and zip strips, makes me nauseous.   This teacher made me feel dumb and not worth fighting for.  To this day, I’m not a fan of many games (especially Monopoly).  I have to really push myself out of my comfort zone to participate in things.

How do we erase these tapes that play on repeat in our heads?  How do we allow the Truths of God to take root and weed out the words or actions of the world?  I believe it comes down to prayer, worship, and meaningful time in the Word.

Talk to God:set a reminder or mark it in your calendar until it becomes a habit.  Light a candle, and when you walk past it, speak to Him.

Worship can happen at anytime.  Folding laundry, serving, working, paying tithe- it can all be an act of worship.  Listening and singing worship music can be so humbling and bring me to my knees at the feet of Jesus.  When everyone is fighting in the house I will put on worship music and the tension in the house will just melt away.

Getting in the Word- this can be difficult for us all.  We let life, activities, social media, our phones, and TV cloud out the priority Bible study should be in our lives.  I’m guilty of this and I get it.  Finding a way to get into the Word each day and making it a habit is crucial.  Pray and ask God to help you desire His words and truths and to crave it more than your favorite food or drink (for me, it’s an Iced Caramel Macchiato from Lot #1) or activity.  Eliminate those things that distract you, delete the game or social media that keeps your head down in your phone (again, I’m guilty too).  If we allow the world to shape our thoughts, we won’t glorify the Lord with our thoughts or actions.  I love first5.org !  Check it out and set an alarm within the app to remind you to study.

I’ve had to ask God to help me forgive that teacher and others that have spoken words to me, that hurt me.  When we hold on to hurt and resentment we hold on to what we want the Lord to forgive us of.  When we don’t forgive, we can’t move forward in our walk with the Lord.  It’s not easy, it takes lots of conversations with Father and some faith, but you will begin to heal. Colossians 3:12-17  and Matthew 11:5 

Most Gracious Father,

I ask that you help me to crave your presence and Truths more than the distractions in my life.  You know my thoughts and you see my heart, Lord, Help me to lay it at your feet. Help me to forgive those that have wronged me. Help me to extend grace as you have extended grace to me.  Thank you, for loving me and desiring a relationship with me.  In Jesus’ name, amen.